Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
