I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
