can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
did you just send me my own nude
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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