Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
