Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mom said you looked used
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
