sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
