Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
