Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
