Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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