i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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