I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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