There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
