Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
