His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i don't like sucking hair
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
