you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
