She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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