we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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