so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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