I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
