question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
