I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
