Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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