a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Let's get the cat blown out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
