at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
