Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.

Fav 9 1750 4813
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(806): View more from Texas

with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

Fav 31 10630 1612
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(404): View more from Georgia

Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...

Fav 6 4745 1207
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.

Fav 2 1183 675
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(201): View more from New Jersey

I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.

Fav 0 1198 570
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(214): View more from Texas

hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned

Fav 2 723 470
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend

Fav 2 237 482
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(803): View more from South Carolina

Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark

Fav 0 112 5
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(813): View more from Florida

I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!

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