They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Enjoy the penises
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
