My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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