Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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