Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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