Who wears a wallet chain?!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
