Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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