Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
