I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Shame - the story of my life.
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