she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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