I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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