i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
