I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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