I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
