I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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