I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
