I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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