Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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