Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
