Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
