so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
