I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
