he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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