Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
