It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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