I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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