NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
