Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
