she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
