woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
