ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
