would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
