It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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