We need to rekindle our bromance
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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