i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
