barbara walters just said penis...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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