I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
