And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
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He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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