im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
