Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
