If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
