i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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