My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
