Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
