The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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