okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
